98 | Helping your Children Ease Stress and Anxiety with Katherine

Today I am speaking with Katherine a school counselor turned parenting consultant. She will be helping us to work with our children to ease the stress and anxiety while also letting us know it is ok when our children aren’t picking up the things we continue to ask them day in and day out. I hope you enjoy our conversation.


Working with parents instead of kids. (1:54)
The importance of positive reinforcement. (5:53)
What are the most common things with anxiety in kids? (12:08)
Academic testing and anxiety. (14:33)
Breathing techniques to help with anxiety and stress. (20:43)
Worried about what you can control. (27:06)
Advice to parents: Trust your gut. (30:03)
Things to do when you’re feeling sad. (35:37)

Learn more from Katherine:
Katherine is a licensed professional school counselor turned parenting consultant who is genuinely passionate about supporting parents and families as they navigate through life.  Whether you need help with routines at home, getting support to improve behaviors, or are looking for help with school concerns-Katherine can help!  She offers virtual and in person consultations to parents all over the country and provides personalized, helpful and supportive strategies that will create success and happiness for your children.  Her passion for supporting parents stemmed from her own personal transition to motherhood as Katherine is also a mom of three boys and understands how exhausting and overwhelming the parenting journey can be.  Reach out to her today if you could use her personalized support!

Reach out now to schedule a time in August or September to start the school year on the right foot.

Work With Me - Katherine Walters Consulting

Katherine Walters Consulting (@katherinewaltersconsulting) • Instagram photos and videos

Katherine Walters Consulting | Naples FL | Facebook

Transcript

Unknown: 0:04

Welcome to raising healthy humans, a podcast created for busy moms where you can easily find info on health and wellness for your family. Join Courtney, a health coach movement and posture specialist and founder of form fit and active and supportive community where she helps busy moms move more here on raising healthy humans podcast. She shares personal life experiences, training, knowledge and conversations with other health and wellness experts so you can raise healthy humans. Today, I'm speaking with Katherine, a school counselor turned parenting consultant, she will be helping us to work with our children to ease the stress and anxiety that they may be dealing with. while also letting us know it is okay. When our children aren't picking up the things we continue to ask them to do day in and day out. This was a personal thing that I was dealing with with my kids. And she's here to let us know it is okay. So I hope you enjoy our conversation. I found a lot of the tips she provides very valuable. And I think you'll have some really good takeaways from this episode. Enjoy. Hi, Catherine, how are you today? I'm good, how are you? I'm good. I'm excited to have you on this month, we have been really focusing on anxiety and helping families work through their anxiety. So I wanted to have you on to be able to speak with you about things that may help families and especially children with anxiety, because I know that you have worked in the school system. Yes, as a school counselor, okay, as a school counselor, and what has made you to decide to work with the parents instead. So I was a school counselor for almost 15 years. And I love working with kids, I love helping families. And I just felt like for so many years, there were just not enough resources for parents, I was able to help the kids at school. But a lot of the kids that I was working with and helping with certain situations in the school were kids that were having struggles in the school setting. And what I found was that there were a lot of parents that were reaching out to me saying my kids great at school, but we're having all these struggles at home with, you know, not major behaviors, but routines and things at home, and there weren't a lot of resources to refer those parents to, that might not need therapy or, or a counseling setting, but just might need a little bit of support. So that's kind of why I started what I'm doing. And essentially, it's kind of like coaching for parents. So I try and help parents like find a little more harmony in their homes. Okay, and how what, what are you noticing is like, the most common problem that you see with families and finding this harmony. So a lot of what I'm seeing lately is basic, like executive functioning skills. And when I say that, I mean like time management, organization, problem solving, initiating tasks, and, and, you know, kind of, like, overall, it can kind of coexist with that anxiety, and, you know, other issues, but a lot of those things are pretty straightforward things that are easily managed, but you just have to know kind of, like how to do that, you know, obviously anxiety has been something that we've seen a lot of especially lately, but I work with, you know, a lot of parents on, you know, kind of increasing compliance at home. You know, parents reached out to me all the time saying, you know, I've asked my I have to ask my kids 567 times or more to come you know, just basically follow any directions and and kind of sometimes just helping set up some pretty simple routines and you know, incentive plans at home help with that. Okay, so before we talk about anxiety, because I knew this was probably going to question kids taking initiative, what is it something that we're doing wrong? I mean, it does not matter how many times over the years that we would tell our child to put the lunch but take your lunchbox out of your backpack put it in the kitchen doesn't happen same thing with you know, now that I have two older boys and their jobs to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash another neither one gets done unless I'm saying it three and four and five times a day. So and helped me with this because I knew we're not doing anything wrong. I every I mean I have parents call me literally every day with these exact same struggles. And you know, I have three boys, I am not certainly saying that everything gets done the first time I asked things to get done at my house. But it's very typical, you know, kids are not just born motivated to do whatever their parents are asked to, you know, asking of them. So teaching that kind of like intrinsic motivation is important. So motivation is the key to getting kids to follow through with what we're asking them to do. So finding what motivates them, is the key to it. And sometimes how you motivate them is the key to it. So, you know, I just had a meeting with a client this morning, where we set up a checklist with a dry erase board on a chalkboard, excuse me a clipboard, that's right by the door, and it's just basic things, unload your backpack, put your lunchbox by the sink, with your water bottle by the sink, get your shoes where the shoes go not right next to where the shoes go, and things like that. So really straightforward things that you kind of, you know, expect them to do. But it's, it's sometimes easier when it's laid out in a in a list format, where you can physically check it off. And then there's some type of reward system. So you know, I'm a big believer in positive reinforcement, I think it always is more successful, it helps when you praise the behavior you expect, rather than saying you're not doing what I'm asking you to do. So I'm taking this away, that just, you know, it feels bad, it's negative. And certainly, there's things that require consequences. But for the most part, you know, acknowledging what you're expecting, first of all, making sure they know what you expect, right, then acknowledging it, and then rewarding it. And I don't when I say reward, I don't mean like, take them out to get ice cream, just because they've unloaded the dishwasher. I'm talking about simple things like you know, whether it's technology or things like you know, if your kid is are interested or motivated by like video games, or time on on a tablet, you know, when you when you do these things, then you can maybe earn a technology ticket that you can cash in to use to play your video games or to play your tablet. So I think when we change the, the mentality of you know, all these things are just given to you. And also we need you to do these chores, when you say, you know, really, at the end, at the end of the day, we need to provide shelter, and food and love and safety, but all of the other stuff, the you know, the TVs and the video games and toys, all that stuff is like extra. And so when you do these things that we expect you to do, because in our house, we want you to unload the dishwasher, we want you to put these things away, then you get those extra things, whether it's you know, whatever it is that motivates them, maybe it for girls, you know, I have a client that they love the American Girl dolls, and so time like that is you know, in having kids be a part of what motivates them and letting you know, that is really helpful. I'm really successful. So you're not doing anything wrong. It's happens in every house. Okay, well, and I structure it. Yes, yes. And I, for me, I mean, I immediately know, like for my older kids, what that is my middle son, it's having opportunity to get online, you know, video games, and then my oldest, I mean, he's 17. So it's having his girlfriend come over. So I'm like, well, she can't come over until this gets stuck. Right. And I also find it really helpful when you just like simple ways you word things, rather than saying like, if you do these things, then we can do this. It's, it's when you do this. So they know it's not an option not to when you do these things, then you get this, you know, and a lot of times when when you It's so interesting when you talk to kids about what might motivate them and you ask them, I would say almost every time I talk to kids about this, or have talked to kids about this, what they want is time with their parents. So it's like maybe I get 10 extra minutes to stay up at night and pick a book out with and read a book just with my mom or take a walk with just my dad or you know, and it doesn't have to be anything, you know, super exhausting or crazy. But little things like that so often are what they are craving. And that kind of fulfills then a lot of a lot of buckets there. Yes. And thinking about that. I've noticed myself with my daughter kind of lead leaning into that is sometimes you think it's going to be one thing, but really just taking time to really notice them changes that whole experience or whatever I started to realize. So there was a situation in our household where my daughter had her phone taken away for a little bit. And I noticed that our conversations were richer, because she didn't have that to go to. So I mean, I think what you mentioned is definitely true that sometimes we don't think, and children like ourselves get into habits, to where sometimes that affects what we think they want. But really what they want is to spend that time with us or to tell us a story or whatever, exactly. I mean, I have, I have so many parents that say, Oh, well, we'll just, you know, we can give them tablet time, or whatever, because you think that's what they want. And really, you know, they might want to pick something that's for dinner tonight, they might be motivated by saying I want to put an extra special something on the grocery list, to get it the next time we go to the store, like things like that, you know, it doesn't have to be, you know, buying things, it doesn't have to be anything big. A lot of times, it's that intentional time. Also, it's not just, you know, being physically next to each other for 10 or 15 minutes, it's putting your phones away, intentionally devoting that time to each other making eye contact, you know, that and that's a whole nother conversation of, you know, just kids abilities, you know, nowadays in the generation that we've got growing up of being able to communicate and having face to face, genuine conversations and eye contact, where that we've noticed a big difference in that lately of, you know, kids struggling with how to how to communicate, because they can easily spout things off in texts and communicate in that way, and have a harder time making that, you know, face to face communication. Right, right. And then just you sitting down and talking with them can help that, because then they're seeing how we're interacting and how our facial expressions. I mean, there's so much more to talking than just, oh, yeah, modeling that behavior. Exactly. Modeling, that behavior is huge. And that's so helpful. But having kids be a part of that process, when you're trying to figure out what motivates them, having them take some ownership and being a part of that, and being like, invested in that as well, is a huge part of the success of those, you know, any type of plan any type your time, anytime you're trying to motivate kids to do anything. Okay. No, I love that. Because I know that's something that everybody struggle with. It's, it's a daily struggle for a lot of parents. Okay, with anxiety, what are you noticing, I mean, feel like we all know, the past few years have just really changed a lot of things for all of us. What are you noticing is the most common things with anxiety and children. So obviously, since in the last several years, we've seen a spike in anxiety in parents and kids, I for you know, personally see a lot of anxiety with just general friendships, a lot of that in middle school, and that's starting, you know, even a little bit younger now, you know, but kind of like this constant desire for perfection, or for other things that are maybe not necessarily attainable. You know, and I think, a lot of that, you know, and this makes me sound like, I'm 95 years old, but I feel like social media is partially to blame for that. Because honestly, it feels like, you know, even as adults, when I see a video on Instagram of somebody that's house is immaculate, and their dishes are organized, and their refrigerators perfect and everything, you know, and I kind of like, oh my gosh, I wish my house looked like that, or whatever. And that's really not reality anyways. So I think for kids, when, you know, their brains aren't even fully developed. And when you see these images that are so often, you know, changed and altered anyways, it's, it's this constant, like, need for other or desire to be kind of somebody or not, or to be somebody else, or to be something else. And so a lot of that stems and then you kind of get then into these friendship issues. Because back to what I was saying is, a lot of time kids just don't know how to communicate, they don't know how to problem solve, they don't know how to solve these, you know, issues themselves. And then sometimes when it turns to social media, it kind of can escalate so I see a lot of I would call it like relational aggression with middle school, especially with girls. It's it's a tough time and I feel like that's kind of a an age old you know, thing. I think middle school was hard when I was in middle school a long time ago. And so, I think that teaching those, you know, skills like empathy skills and basic communication and things like that are really helpful at that age. I, I do see also a big spike in or have seen recently in like, academic like testing anxiety, okay, you know, because of the pressures, you know, within schools with, you know, all the standardized testing and and whether or not you'll get to the next grade based on this, and so I do see more kids getting nervous about that. And that often, you know, depends on the kind of, you know, maybe the, the pressure they put on themselves, or that maybe is being put on them at home to, you know, achieve a certain status academically. So that, and, you know, obviously, in with high schoolers to, you know, the pressures that get put on you, with academics, you know, for them getting to the next level, it's just, it's kind of like this never ending need for improvement, which is not a bad thing. But when it comes to, you know, anxiety and what those that can physically do to kids, you know, you see a ton of kids with getting stomach aches, headaches, having trouble sleeping, all of those are, can present, like, you know, that's anxiety in a lot of ways. Not every time, but a lot of times. Okay, one thing I was just, no, no, no, that's okay. I'm, I'm thinking of when you mentioned, like, kids in the grades, and constantly striving to be better, or get, you know, this certain score, I happen to be listening to a podcast this morning, and they were talking about success, and how we, as a society, or parents identify success, and a lot of us will hold on to that, you know, you've got to either get better grades than I did, because I want you to be more successful than me, or, you know, as good, you know, you need to get these kinds of grades so that you can go off to college, you know, like, it's always this feeling that grades identify these individuals, and I'm not sure where I want to go with this, but just like, how can we get this out of our head as parents to rather look at the person in front of us, rather than looking at, like, their grades as a representation of them? Right. So I, you know, I would say, managing your expectations is key, I have, I had a client that I worked with, for a really long time last year, that they're this, this, this, this kid was a very average, B student, and he tried so hard to get those B's. And there was a big baseball trip that they were working towards that it was, you know, something that it had to be because, you know, he had to get A's to get the trip. And it was something you'd like, and it wasn't necessarily something that was attainable. You know, for some kids, it that that can be, but it's managing your expectations, so that, you know, what you're expecting your kids to do. Is is okay, like it is? Is it something that's realistic and manageable. So, not every kid is going to be an A student, no matter how hard they try? You know, I always tell parents, I would much rather focus on effort than academics. You know, when my kids come home, I have a third grader, and when he comes home with, you know, a test that wasn't, you know, 100%, which is okay, you know, I, you know, I always ask, like, did you try as hard as you can? Did you prepare? You know, those are things that are, you know, within our control, what can you do to prepare, you can't control what questions are on the test, what can you do to prepare to make sure that you're ready for the test, and that you're putting in your effort. And those are the only things that I asked you to do. And if you don't get 100%, when you've done those things, that's okay. Nobody gets 100% all the time. I mean, most, virtually nobody, right. But, you know, I think there's a lot of parents that expect, you know, their kids to, you know, get straight A's all the time and get into this college and do this. And, you know, and it's not realistic to think that kids can, you know, follow in his path that the parent is necessarily wanting, you know, there's certainly, like, it's really important to, like, help guide that. But, you know, very often kids do not know what they want to be when they're at that age. And that's okay. And like so that can you know, that encouraging that constant, like lifelong learning, is what I think is really key. So I think really managing expectations of what is realistically attainable for each kid. So not having some, like, general rule in your house, is, you know, when you come in with a report card, and this many A's you get this or this many of these, because it's different for each kid. Right. Right. But I think also focusing on that effort. Yes, well, and I was going to say I like how you ask your child about out, what do you feel? Because I feel like, I can assume that maybe my child is not putting in as much effort, you know, like what you see at home. But really the question ultimately is, do they feel like they've put in putting in enough effort? Right. And that's a huge part of it. Because very often as parents, we're not right all the time with stuff like that, I'll say, like you didn't, you know, it doesn't seem like you put in enough effort. But flipping that script and saying, like, Well, how do you feel about this? How do you feel about the grade you got? How do you feel about what you did what what something you could have done differently, and maybe there's nothing that you could have done differently. And that's okay, too. But you know, with this rise in anxiety, just in general, in our society, a lot of what I talked to, not only kids about, but parents about is keeping in mind what we can control and can't control. And that is really helpful when we're working on anxiety, because that will help them and kind of overflow into this other piece of it, like the academic piece, because, you know, again, you can't control what's on your test, but you can control all these other things. And that helps, that's a very important skill that kids can learn at a young age, that helps them in so many different areas in life. And with the anxiety, I think, as well, for them to take ownership of their efforts, their what is occurring, you know, yes, you can't control things coming from the outside, but the way you're responding and handling things you can control, and that should help to bring their anxiety level down, I would think. Absolutely, yeah. And it also it also helps them to understand how to make realistic, you know, manageable expectations on their own lives. And also, you know, making sure that, you know, what, they're what they're trying to achieve is not only is attainable, but it's also they're part of the process, you know, it always, you know, it always feels better when you, you know, are six, you know, having success, but success is gonna look different for everybody. But I think that, you know, having kids, you know, in the academic piece of it asking how they, how do you feel, you know, if you can't really just teach that intrinsic motivation, but that's going to, that's going to be a part of that, like, you know, building those skills. Yeah. Okay. What are some things that we can do to help? Okay, so if you have a child, maybe it's not about school, maybe it's about something else, maybe that I always go back to my own children. When it comes to anxiety, I have one who has always dealt actually, he's been much better. Now he doesn't deal with anxiety as much I don't hear about it as much. But just this constant playing of almost like, something is constantly wrong with me not, not, like, looks or anything like that, but more like, I have this illness or this, you know, these little things, I found this what is this? Maybe it's cancer, you know, these weird things that they deal with? How do you get them out of that type of thing. xiety. So in that's like, really, somebody that like is going to worry about a lot of things. So I mean, there's a ton of techniques that I can, I can mention, I mean things that are very simple from for kids that are young, and you know, I know your kids are a little older breathing techniques are really key for some of the younger kids. And this is so easy to do at home, we do hot chocolate breathing. And so you pretend like you have a cup of hot chocolate and you smell it because it smells so good. And so you take that deep breath in, and then it's too hot to drink. So you blow it out. And so you have these like it's, we call it hot chocolate breathing in my house. And so it's just, like Slow In and Out For older kids that might roll their eyes at that, you know, we I also have kids that will call it square breathing. And so you are drawing a square with your finger. And so on the top line, as you draw it up, you know, kind of with your finger, you're gonna breathe in for four seconds, and then out for four seconds as you draw down and then you essentially just draw square. So those are like very simple things that are sometimes you know, helpful just to do like some breathing techniques. I love doing like, I don't know if you've seen the like dry erase dice that you can get. They have. I've seen them all over but I know Amazon has them and things like that where they have different, you know, on each side, it's a dry erase, and so I will write different techniques on it. And so if you're feeling stressed or worried about it, you roll the dice and then which one is it going to be? Is it going to be a stretching exercise? Is it going to be a breathing exercise? Is it going to be positive affirmations, like all of those are going to be things that help with the anxiety and then it's also like a fun One way to, you know, kind of have that calming strategy. Like, I always say, takes their mind off of it immediately. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Well, like mindfulness is, is huge. And I work with a lot of parents working on mindfulness with themselves and then with their own kids. But the 54321 Mindfulness is something that's super easy. I do it all the time with with kids, but with my own kids, but when you're in that moment of feeling like you're worried about something, you stop, and you and it involves your senses, what are five things you can see four things, you can touch three things, you can hear two things you can smell, one thing you can taste. And when you you do those things, you stop and you think like, okay, what are five things I can see right now and you look around the room and you it changes, it shifts, your it kind of helps you to reframe the train of thought you were on. And it shifts your thinking, and it helps build those senses. I, I did this in the car on the way to school last week with my four year old because he was I could tell he was just struggling early on. And so I said, alright, well, they know what we're going to do now. And so five things you can see. And then you kind of go through it, and it and then it doesn't necessarily nothing is a you know, fits every situation. But it really helps even with older kids and even as parents like I sometimes, you know, if I just need a second to kind of change the way I'm thinking about something it it kind of helps you to shift gears, and that works on that mindfulness piece as well. Yeah, it will lead to breaking that because we go to the negative and we many of us who are worriers, we ruminate over and over and over and over, and that breaks it, it just stops it halfway on gets on something else, and then your mind will travel on to another thought, right. But having some like replacement behavior or thought process is what helps. So whether you want to journal or you know, I mean, I know like a lot of clients I work with at night, say like, when I lay down in bed, I have all of these thoughts that start going through my head. And so I will encourage them to write it down. And then once it's written down, you're done worrying about it. So for kids, you can get like an empty tissue box, or any type of little box. And you know, for the little ones you can do like the pom poms, those like fuzzy pom poms, or, or even like a post it note as they get older, and you either you know you tell the pom pom what you're worried about, and you put it in the box. And once it's in the box, we're not going to worry about it anymore. Or with post its you write it down. And then once it's in that worry box, that's where it's going to stay. And it helps us to then you kind of shift gears in terms of focusing your energy on other things that you can control. Because a lot of times what stuff we're worried about is stuff we can't control. Right, right. Most of the time. Yes, I feel like yeah, yes, I remember my mother always telling me that her mother would say so this shows you the line of worry in our family. Like, don't worry about something because it may never happen. Like we spend so much time worrying about something when most of the time that worry doesn't happen. Right? And wasting your you know, go ahead, sorry, no, I was just, you know, wasting all that time on something that just, I don't want to say meaningless because, you know, there's, there's a reason for our worries, but absolutely, but putting your energy towards things that are going to be positive, you know, things in whether it's in your life, or positive affirmations, and all of those things, it's a really good skill to get in, you know, to kind of have a habit to get into as an as a parent, because it's a good skill to teach your kids. You know, when a lot of those things are picked up on when you hear your parents or you see your parents, if I'm constantly saying like, gosh, I'm so worried about this, or I'm so nervous about this. And I'm so you know, all of those things, those kids will pick up on that, oh, maybe I should be worried about this. Maybe I should, you know, be nervous about this. What if, you know, a lot of I've had several people that have talked recently about anxiety with the weather after the hurricane down, you know, down here in the fall, and it's, you know, it's it that is really important to think about what can we control, we cannot control if there's going to be another hurricane. What we can control is how prepared we are what we can control our you know these things and then that helps, you know, to teach those skills of keeping things in perspective of what you can control and not control. Okay. What do we do like? So you've given us some things to think about or practice with our children? Is there a time that we should then pay attention to like this is out of the family's control? This is now time where we see someone sure get like, oh, like yourself a counselor or therapist. Yeah. And so, you know, I always tell parents, you know, you are your, your kids, number one advocate trust your gut trust, you know, you know, if there's something off, you know, if their demeanor has changed, or maybe their grades are slipping, or there's a noticeable change in them in some way, it's oftentimes, you know, something that is not has maybe hasn't been addressed before, or yet, you know, my, my job, what I do is, you know, obviously, I'm a counselor by trade and what, that's what I've done, but what I do is not necessarily therapy and counseling, it's more coaching. So what I have a lot of people I work with, virtually, but I also, you know, locally here in the Naples area, do meet with a lot of people in person. And, you know, it's kind of, I mean, I have a huge range of clients that I work with, in terms of, you know, people that will just say, Hey, Mike, my kids, not, you know, my routines at night are hectic, my, in the morning, it's hectic, I just want, you know, like I said, a little more harmony in our household, and I will come in and set up, you know, a routine like that. And I off, I always, you know, in use my best judgment in saying, you know, this is something that, you know, there are certainly times and things where it's appropriate to get a more therapeutic approach, or a counseling situation. And, you know, so I, I do I offer like free consultations with all of the people that reach out to me, and I do have people that reach out to me and say, This is what's going on. And then I'll say, you know, what, what, what you've got, you know, going on might be more beneficial to be in a different, like, more therapeutic situation, and I can always, you know, kind of refer that that way as well. But I would say, you know, it doesn't hurt to, you know, reach out. And be proactive, because a lot of times, you know, especially at a younger age, it helps to because it is so much easier to teach skills to kids at a young age, you know, before they before it maybe spirals or gets gets worse as they get older. So, you know, use your best judgment and as a mom, or as a dad, and you know, kind of trust your gut, if you feel like something's off a lot of times it is, and, and my role, you know, in working with parents and essentially families is, sometimes you might need a counseling or therapeutic situation for your kid, but what I can offer you isn't, you might not necessarily need that as well, as a parent, I can offer you kind of more support in a in a different way to kind of coexist with that situation. Okay, okay. What do you do? So, as you're saying all of this, I'm like, but with those kids, because I think, and I've got my third one going through puberty. Now. This is a roller coaster, how I feel like, things change drastically. I did not Well, I don't want to say I didn't notice it as much with the boys because that's not true. Each child showed very different emotions with puberty, hormones, all of that. So is there anything that you recommend to help families as their children are going through this kind of unsure time where, you know, one day they're up one day, the next day, they're down and parents don't know what to do? My husband was dealing with my daughter the other day, she was crying, she was telling him that I have no reason that I'm crying and he's like, he's looking at me like I was like, No, that's completely adorable. If that happens, so honestly, I it is it is a roller coaster and every day you can have super high highs and super low lows and and I feel like the parenting journey is very similar to that there's days where I you know, look around I'm like what just happened you know, you don't really know exactly what Pacific precipitated a certain reaction or emotion. But the best thing I can say is to you know, it does not help kids if they're heightened or they're elevated in their emotions for you then to meet them up there as well. The best thing you can do is share your calm and when I say that, I mean you know it and I also am realistic, it's not always easy to stay calm and patient but as much as possible of sharing your calm with kids and teaching them number one like all of these emotions are okay, there's you know, you don't want to have kids think that if they get angry or frustrated that it's a bad thing or that it's it's not okay, it's more teaching what to do when you feel those way you know feel that way like it's okay to get mad and it's okay to get frustrated and and want to yell but it's not okay to hit your brother. And you know, teaching those like replacement things but being being an open open to Kids are having those emotions and feeling different feelings. Because for them these two amazing how many big feelings come out of these little kids? Or these little bodies? And they don't know, it's just as confusing for them. They don't know why they're feeling that way. They don't know what made them feel, you know, you know, my nine year old woke up this morning, and he did not he looked sad. And I said, What's wrong? And he said, I don't know. I just woke up like this. And, and I don't, you know, and so, you know, sometimes I kind of what I call it as like a toolbox, I have like a little like, just mental toolbox. Or you can you can set these up physically with clients to have like, what's the toolbox? Like? What are things when you're feeling this way? What's something that would help you maybe get back to where we were, we feel comfortable, like and feel regulated. So you feel calm, and you feel in control of how you're your emotions and how you're feeling. So when you're feeling sad, and you wake up like that, what's something that might make you feel better, you know, maybe, maybe we need to do a little exercise to get like, just get the endorphins going and get the your heart rate up. And that might help. And so it's not necessarily just like, what to do when you get mad, but I would really encourage parents to be okay with the emotions, as long as they're, you know, you're teaching these skills of like, what to do when you feel these ways. And that's something I also help parents with. Okay. Okay, so, if a child is dealing with sadness, or anger, what are can you give us one or two things to do? I mean, I know you said like, exercise, get them up, get them moving that type of thing. What about that child who? Just? Once distance? Yeah, and so I would, I it's going to be different for every kid. So if you have a kid that like loves music, and that's something that is calming, or loves reading, maybe having a maybe when you're feeling that way, and acknowledging I'm really frustrated right now, okay, what are some things that I know in my toolbox that will help me listening to some music, having you know, creating even like a calm down corner part of your house or your room with some, you know, whether it's like, for younger kids, like a glitter bottle, where, you know, they can kind of call them that way? Or, or using the the dice that I was talking about the dry erase dice, using, you know, having some strategies on there of what to do in those situations. But really, it's it's a lot of trial and error for each kid, you know, you can't just say like, Okay, go in your room and calm down, right? It's not like a one size fits all go scream into your, because that's okay. I know, I wish it was trust me, but, but when, when you have when you allow kids to be a part of that process, and you say, when you're frustrated, what makes you feel better, it gives them some ownership of those feelings, and it gives them some ownership of the process. So you can't just say like, when you're mad, go, you know, go run for 10 minutes, because that's what helps somebody else, you know, and that's not necessarily what helps everybody. So it's really specific to each kid. So taking the time, and letting them be a part of that, you know, a lot of times though, especially for younger kids, when they're, you see some of this, you know, like the behaviors or emotions kind of getting more heightened. I usually do a checklist of like, okay, do they need water? Are they hungry? Are they tired, like basic needs? A lot of times, there's an E, you know, not all the time, but a lot of times there's one of those things usually helps, especially with that, like after school time is the hardest time in our house. You know, my I have a kindergartener, and he tries so hard. He's so good at school, and he tries so hard to keep it, you know, like, do everything he's supposed to do. And so he comes home and it kind of like, you know, it's like, okay, now I can, you know, that's where I'm comfortable the most. And I'm feel, you know, if he gets frustrated, easy, easier at home than he does at school, because he's held it together all day. Right, right. Yeah. Well, and that's one thing for my own family that I noticed is, I remember how I felt when I would come home from school and I see it with my daughter as well. She comes home from school and she just wants to be, she doesn't because I think like you said, like, either holding it together or holding on, you know, either being constant talking or not, whatever it is, whatever child you have. My daughter is more, but she's quiet. But she probably is similar to me with that. I just want when I get home, I need silence like that stimulation, too much stimulation throughout the day almost. I need silence I just need to be and because I remember how I felt I'm able to provide that for her and allow her to just be so even just having maybe parents think about how was it for you when you came home from school? Like, go back in that thought process and right Number, you know, and everybody's different. Oh, yeah, exactly. Kids would probably like to true. But yeah, but you know, there's a lot of kids who don't want to talk. And if you have a parent that's like, tell me about your day, I want to hear everything, you know, or I want to know what you know. And sometimes you have parents that get over involved that enough like what did so and so say to so and so at school, and then that's a problem also. But, you know, I feel like, we also have a lot of parents that over overpack kids schedules. And so you have kids that go, you know, they're so overly stimulated from being in school all day and trying and using the, you know, their brains all day in so many different ways. And it's so mentally taxing, and then they go to baseball, or soccer and swimming and, or guitar or piano like all of these things. And you know, there's sometimes it's just sometimes too much. And so I would say, again, just looking, you know, being really present with your kids and knowing what works for them, what doesn't work for them, but also being okay with that, not only, you know, letting them be a part of that process is really huge. And then that makes, especially for your kids at their age, it makes them feel like they're being listened to they're they're heard, and that that's really helpful. Yeah, perfect. All right. I don't want to take any of your time away, I want you to let us know one, how can we find you. So I have a website, Katherine Walters, consulting.com. That is the best way to get information about the services I offer and how I can help and you can directly message me on there and schedule time, I do offer a free consultation for anybody to make sure it's a good fit, and what they're looking for. I am on Instagram and Facebook, Catherine Walters consulting. And yeah, all my information you can find really on my website. Okay, perfect. And then can you leave our listeners, like, if there's one thing that they can take today with them to use throughout the week? To help them raise healthier humans? Can you provide us with that? Gosh, there's so many things, I would just say honestly, like, supporting and loving your kids, and meeting them where they are and who they are, is the best advice I can give. So often as parents, we kind of try and you know, alter or, or persuade or, you know, put our expectations on them and just letting them be the amazing individuals that they are. And, you know, and loving them and meeting them where they are is probably the best way that I best advice I can give. I love that I 100% agree something that I'm working towards now we are saying exactly. It's it's amazing to see as they grow and develop and become their own people. It's just so it's such an amazing part of parenting, to see them blossom and to see them grow. It's a really rewarding really cool thing. Yeah, most definitely. And I noticed for my family, as my children get older, you want so much for them, but they're their own people. And it's it's their life to live, I mean, not that you're trying to, you know, not like you're trying to live vicariously through them, but that this is really their life. So even just the little statements of, you know, maybe try this way instead sometimes is not what should be said, Well, when you think about it, how you might handle a situation they're going through isn't necessarily how you would have handled it when you were their age. And those are things that they need to experience. And those are ways they have to figure out how to problem solve on their own. And when they you can certainly help guide that. But when they don't have those skills, they become adults that turn to somebody else to solve all their problems and fix their problems. And then it inadvertently become, you know, it just it becomes more difficult as an adult and as you grow. So, you know, teaching those skills in a loving way, but allowing them to kind of spread their wings is hard, but it's really important. Yeah. That was caring for them. Yeah. Perfect. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day for though it was my pleasure. Thanks for talking to me, of course. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to listen to our podcast. We hope you found this information valuable and can incorporate it into your family's life. Make sure to check out our show notes for all the important links available. Come join us on Facebook and moms raising healthy humans community page. Also please check out our wide range of memberships, family monthly focus ideas, challenges, live events and on demand and live workouts, meal plans and so much more head to form fit online.com and as always keep moving